A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ‘‘THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.‘‘
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, ‘‘THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.‘‘
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole.
Once again the voice said, ‘‘THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.‘‘
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ‘‘Is that you, Lord?‘‘
The voice answered, ‘‘NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!"

A redneck family from outside Little Rock was visiting a city in the North and they were in a mallfor the first time in their lives. The father and son decided to stroll around while the wife shopped. They were amazed byalmost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy said, Pa, What's'at? Pa (never having seen an elevator) said, Dunno, son. Ain'tnever seen nothing like 'at in my whole dang life. Ain't got no idea'r what 'tis.

Then, all of a sudden, while the two watched in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chairrolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and she rolled between them into a small room. The wallsclosed and the boy and his father watched as small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continuedto watch until the number at the top lit up. And then the small lights commenced to work their way down again.

When the walls opened the next time, out stepped a gorgeous, voluptuous, turbo 24 − year − oldblonde woman.

Reverently, and without taking his eyes off the babe, Pa said, quietly, Boy . . . go . . . git . . .yo . . . Momma.

Blonde Medical Terminology

Artery — Study of paintings
Bacteria — Back door of cafeteria
Barium — What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel — Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section — District in Rome
Cat scan — Searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — Sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark
Congenital — Friendly
D&C — Where Washington is
Diarrhea — Journal of daily events
Dilate — To live long
Enema — Not a friend
Fester — Quicker
Fibula — A small lie
G.I. Series — Soldiers’ ball game
Grippe — Suitcase
Hangnail — Coathook
Impotent — Distinguished, well known
Intense pain — Torture in a teepee
Labor pain — Got hurt at work
Medical staff — Doctor’s cane
Morbid — Higher offer
Nitrate — Cheaper than day rate
Node — Was aware of
Outpatient — Person who had fainted
Pelvis — Cousin of Elvis
Post operative — Letter carrier
Protein — Favoring young people
Rectum — It almost killed him
Recovery room — Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic — Amorous
Scar — Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion — Hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — Study of knighthood
Tablet — Small table
Terminal illness — Sickness at airport
Tibia — Country in North Africa
Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — Opposite of you’re out
Varicose — Located nearby
Vein — Conceited

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from an airplane.

Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

Problem solved.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."