Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office. "Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today." Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God". "Mr. President," says Rumsfeld, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?" Bush looks up and asks..."Exactly how many is a Brazilian?"

Olga, the maid announced to her bsos, Mrs. Blanco, that she was quitting.
When Mrs. Blanco asked why, Olga replied, "I'm in the family way."
Mrs. Blanco was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.
"Your husband and your son," replied Olga.
Mortified, Mrs. Blanco demanded an explanation.
"Well," Olga explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'.
"So I'm in the family way and I can't do the work you hired me to do so I quit."

A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight.
The guide told her, “This is our number one sport.”
The horrified woman said, “Isn’t that revolting?”
“No,” the guide replied, “revolting is our number two sport.”

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Dodge SRT − 4 when he spotted a well − known cardiologist in the shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the SRT.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in and, when I finish it works just like new.”

“So how is it I make only $39,000 a year, a pretty small salary, and you get the really big bucks, $1.6 million, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic…

“Try doing it with the engine running.”

A student was having difficulty with his landings. Seems like he would bounce it in every time. However, on the first night lesson, the student greased in all of his landings.

Puzzled, the instructor asked, "How are you doing that? You have so much trouble during the day?"

The student replied, "It's easy, I continue the approach until you stiffen up, then I just pull back."