You Might Be A Redneck If
Maternity Room is a do − it − yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.
Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.
Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.
The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.
Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Maternity Room is a do − it − yourself with fresh straw, a jack knife and a string.
Anesthesiologist in bib overalls, feeds you a clear liquid out of a mason jar.
Your Gynecologist is Ernest.
Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig.
The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass.
Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What's country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says: "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says: "All right, n − now it's–it's m − my turn."
The farmer grins: "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."
"What's country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says: "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says: "All right, n − now it's–it's m − my turn."
The farmer grins: "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."
You Might Be A Redneck If:
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You‘ve ever hitchhiked naked.
You‘re turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You‘ve ever shot a deer from inside your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y‘all Doin‘?" (If they respond with the same... they‘re a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You trim your beard and find a French fry.
You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat".
Your car alarm eats dog food.
Your car burns more oil than gas.
Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
Your horse can count higher than you.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You‘ve ever hitchhiked naked.
You‘re turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You‘ve ever shot a deer from inside your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y‘all Doin‘?" (If they respond with the same... they‘re a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You trim your beard and find a French fry.
You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat".
Your car alarm eats dog food.
Your car burns more oil than gas.
Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
Your horse can count higher than you.