A Good Guess

Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates

St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?"

1st nun : "Adam and Eve"

The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?" 2nd nun : "An apple" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

And finally it came the turn of the last nun. St. Paul : "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?"

After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that‘‘s a hard one!" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too.

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically they all died and went to the pearly gates together. St. Peter was surprised to see them. "Oh, dear! We weren't expecting you and your quarters aren't ready yet. We can't take you in and we can't send you back!" Getting an idea, he picked up the celestial phone and called Lucifer. "I have three gentlemen who are ours, but their places aren't ready yet. Could you put them up for a couple of days? I'll owe you one." The Devil reluctantly agreed.

Two days later, St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is Lucifer. You have to come get these three guys that are yours. This Pope guy is forgiving everybody, the Graham fellow is saving everybody, and Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning!"

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort  −  one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"
Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said \"Wow what a goddamn fish!\"
The sister said \"Sir you shouldn‘t talk to me like that: I‘m a nun\", and the man said \"But that‘s the name of it: a goddamn fish\".
So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said \"Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught.\" The mother superior said \"Sister, you shouldn‘t talk like that!\", and the sister said \"But mother superior, that‘s the name of it: a goddamn fish\". So the mother superior said \"Well give me the goddamn fish and I‘ll clean it.\" While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said \"Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught.\"
The monsignor said \"Mother superior you shouldn‘t talk like that!\", and the mother superior said \"But that‘s the name of it: a goddamn fish\". So the monsignor said \"Well give me the goddamn fish and I‘ll cook it\". That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said \"Wow what a nice fish\". And the sister said \"I caught the goddamn fish.\" And mother superior said \"I cleaned the goddamn fish\".
And the monsignor said \"I cooked the goddamn fish\". And the new priest said:
\"I like this fucking place already!\"